We talked to the guy working there and I had a suspicion about him. I asked for his name, and he said “Ethan.” I said: “not Etan?” That’s right, I know an Israeli when I see one. His eyes got super big and we started chatting in Hebrew. I figured I should start getting used to telling people what happened, so I stretched my language skills and told him what happened. He was very sympathetic, helped us get sandals on the kids, and gave them each an extra little snap on character for their shoes. We ate at the only place open, and had breakfast food for our brunch. Elaine called at that time and we each took the kids out of the restaurant so they could talk to her.

We went back to the condo to make some phone calls and arrangements before we had to head out again. Chad and I didn’t want to be separated, so we packed the kids into the car and dragged them around with us. The first stop was Kmart to get fun things like sneakers that fit Aurora, a cheap duffle to hold their new stuff, some colored bubble bath, etc, etc. I tried to get a phone charger there, but had to drive around Kona for a bit in order to find a Verizon store.

Elaine would have to have surgery on her shoulder before the hospital would release her, so we decided that the kids would have to fly with us.  We went to the airport so I could talk to someone face to face.  Eventually, we got Ozzie and Aurora on the same flight with us, but I was nervous because we couldn’t choose their seats until check-in the next day.  The strangest part of the whole process?  The customer service rep called his supervisor over and she immediately said: “is this the 7 year old who died in the car accident?” All I could say was yes.  She had read about it in the paper that morning.  The island is pretty rural, so anything like that is big news.

Then there was the drive back up to the hospital. Here’s the thing about Waimea, it’s high up in altitude, just like the house we rented. So the drives are similar. On the way up the hill Aurora started talking about the accident and how if we saw a broken guard rail that’s what they crashed through. Ozzie made a grimace and covered his eyes. It took about 15 minutes to get up to level ground, but bringing them with us to the hospital was a mistake. One of us should have taken them to the pool or the beach, but we had to return the car seats and figure out how to get Razak home, so they came along.

Chad and the kids gave the seats back to the nurses while I spoke with someone about Razak.  They explained that he had been moved to Kailua-Kona because that’s where the autopsy would be.  They gave me some pamphlets and I got on the phone with a funeral home in Kona.  Again, they had read about it in the paper and knew who I was.  I would have to sign some release papers, but I wanted to talk to the funeral home in Escondido about what needed to be done first.  Working with the 3 hour time difference didn’t make things any easier.

Dinner was uneventful at L&L – I wouldn’t have eaten there, but I hoped that full stomachs would make the kids sleep on the way back down the mountain to the condo.  I still don’t know if they slept, but they were quiet.

We tried to take it easy that night and go to bed early, since we still had to visit the funeral home before boarding our 11am flight.  I was so exhausted that I didn’t know Aurora came into our room after we put the kids to bed.  Somehow, without waking me, Chad took her into the living room to talk to her about what was going to happen in the next couple of days.

Mom had called 4 times already. We weren’t about to pick up the phone to talk to her, but we were listening to the messages. We didn’t call back because we didn’t care about what happened to the leftover food or some cord that my cousin Leah found in the bedroom. So we were on our way to lunch when we let call number 5 go to voice-mail. This voicemail was different, more frantic. “Melissa, Elaine was in a car accident…” I didn’t finish the rest of the message. I called Mom back. She told me that Elaine was in a wreck on the way to the airport and that they didn’t think Razak was going to make it. What? No. I didn’t let her finish, I just said that we were heading to the hospital.

We’re lucky that we were only a few hundred yards from the condo when we spoke to her, so we could get in the car start right for the hospital in Waimea. I spent the car ride in a daze. I kept telling myself that this was some sort of sick joke perpetuated by my parents to get us to take the leftover food. Or maybe the injuries weren’t as bad as they thought. Sometimes we can look worse and more hurt than we actually are. That must be it, Razak might be in bad shape, but the accident wasn’t fatal. I kept thinking about the day he was born. Our first trip to the zoo. Two days before when he asked Leah to hang back from the rest of the group at Akaka Falls so he could tell her that he thought “she was kinda pretty.” In my mind, there was no way that he wasn’t going to be okay, because I didn’t say goodbye to the kids at the wedding.

We made it to, then through the hospital. As we were approaching the emergency room, there as a kid about Razak’s height running around. My heart leapt and I thought it was him. No such luck, it was a little Hawaiian girl. I gave my name to the girl at the front desk and told her who I was there for. She asked us to wait, so we sat and I was so glad to have Chad.

A few minutes later we were called into a side room to sit with a nurse. I can’t remember if it was Lori or Liz who told us, though I’m pretty sure now it was Liz. She started telling us that Aurora and Ozzie were fine, just scratches. She explained Elaine’s injuries as well. Then she told us that Razak was dead.

I let go of all of the denial I had been clutching at on the way here and looked at Chad. We both started crying – each trying to hold the other up, and hold to the other for some sort of solace. I have a hard time remembering the last time I cried so loudly. The nurse let us go for a little bit, then another one came in. Liz was Elaine’s nurse, and she took my hand and told me that Elaine needed me, and was asking for me. I stopped crying, and I dried my eyes. There would be plenty of time for mourning later, but now there were three people (one big, two small) who needed us.

We calmed down and they took us to Elaine, Aurora and Ozzie. I was horrified at how small the ER was, I was sure that they had heard us crying in the small side room, it was all just so close together. I felt terrible, how was I supposed to comfort them if they had heard us carrying on like that? That thought was gone as soon as I saw them. Elaine was wired to half a dozen machines and in a bed on the far right side of the room. Aurora and Ozzie were sharing a small bed to her left, looking tired and scared. Chad went to them and I went to Elaine. She started crying as soon as she saw me, and started whispering the most horrible things. She killed her son, no one would ever forgive her, she was a terrible mother. She was speaking loudly enough that I thought the kids could hear her, so I kept telling her that she could break down later, but now she had to hold herself together for Aurora and Ozzie, and that Chad and I had already forgiven her.

I stood over her until they took her to have a CT scan, then I went over to the other bed and sat down next to Ozzie. He was quiet, but Aurora was chatty. She told us all about the accident, from her perspective. They went off the side of the road fell. The car flipped over and a helicopter came for Razak and their mom. Ozzie and Aurora got to ride in the front of the truck. That little girl is so smart, but she didn’t know about Razak yet, and I didn’t want to have to tell her. I didn’t know if I had the right. As far as she was concerned, he was in a different part of the hospital with other doctors who were taking care of him. So we agreed with her, what else were we supposed to do? She was so convinced that he would be okay.

Ozzie needed an X-ray, so Chad carried him over and I stayed with Aurora. I just let her talk for a while. My parents finally came by. Mom asked where Elaine was, I told her. She asked where Ozzie and Chad were, I told her. She said: Razak? I shook my head and looked away. She covered her hands with her mouth and she and Dad left for the waiting room. Elaine came back in, but she was asleep – or pretending to be asleep – or just too full of morphine to be coherent.

I remember everything that happened, but I don’t remember what order things happened in, so here’s a list:

• At some point I called Naama and told her what happened. She, Greg and Leah were on their way back to Hilo from Volcano, and would get to us as soon as safely possible.
• Aurora complained about her neck hurting – but she’s not the most honest child in the world, so I’m still not sure if she just wanted some attention. She had a band-aid covering a small cut on her hand, and that’s it. Anyway, I told her doctor and he ordered an x-ray for her.
• Chad became the liaison with the law. Because it was a car accident with a casualty, the police were very much involved. So Officer Trautman and Chad were constantly calling each other with questions.
• Elaine had to be flown to Honolulu because her injuries included a broken arm, shattered clavicle, and bruising on the front of her brain. The biggest hospital in the state would be better equipped to care for her than a rural community hospital. After a short discussion, we decided that my dad would fly out there with her. Chad and I would take care of Aurora and Ozzie. So we started getting dad ready for that, Mom would fly over tonight as planned with the Yeagers.
• They took Elaine away so she could say goodbye to Razak. Five minutes later they came to ask me to come, because Elaine had completely broken down and she couldn’t fly like that. I needed to get her to calm down. The nurse Lori was crying as she held my hand, leading me down to the hallway, she explained that since there had to be an autopsy, they had to leave the resuscitation equipment in him. I heard her sobbing before turning the corner into the little side hallway where they had the two hospital beds side by side. They didn’t have a room available that would fit both Elaine and Razak. Liz and another nurse was there, so was Officer Trautman. They all had tears in their eyes. Elaine was crying and incoherent, and her left hand was stretched over so she could run her hand through Razak’s hair. I let her go for a minute, and let myself cry on her forehead for a minute. I tried to hush her gently at first, but Nurse Liz indicated that it was time to go, so I had to pry her hand away from him. I can barely remember what I said to her at this point, but I remember my tone. I had to be very firm, strict, a little harsh – telling her to calm down, and that she could cry later. She listened to me, and eventually went quiet.

After they discharged Ozzie I noticed that the kids had no shoes.  They were lost in the accident.  Along with the car seats.  The closest place to buy a car seat was the Kmart in Kona – over an hour away.  We couldn’t put the kids in a car without them, especially not after the accident.  The car seats were the reason they were still alive and uninjured.  When I brought this up with the nurses, they were absolutely wonderful, called their friends, and had a car seat and a booster seat to the hospital within half an hour.  We finally left and went back to the condo.

We got the kids settled, and eventually, mom brought us some food – we hardly ate anything that day. Leah, Naama and Greg joined us as well, with food for the kids.  They babysat Auroa and Ozzie while Chad and I headed a half an hour down the road to Kmart.  We would have the kids for a few days, and they only had the clothes on their backs.

We bought Aurora a booster seat and Ozzie a car seat, even though they’re the same weight, we went according to their age.  Then we got them PJ’s, shoes, bathing suits, socks, pullups for Ozzie, wipes, and clothes.  It took us about an hour, but we got back in plenty of time to decompress a bit with Naama, Greg and Leah before they had to leave and catch their flight.

I have really wonderful friends. They put the kids to bed before we got back, they bought us extra food, and then stayed to help assemble the car/booster seats.  Those things are more complicated than they look.  But they had an 11pm flight back to LA to catch, so off they went.

It’s amazing what 24 hours can do to your life.